rebphil18

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

Loot

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML