omzz15

One step forward, two steps back.

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML

Runt of the Litter

Today, in front of my 6 brothers, my mother told me I had the smallest penis at birth. FML

Thanks.

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML