aaaaaaaaaaaaazz

Mind melting

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

How could you?

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML