Mademoiselle Canberra, Australia 34 ans Célibataire
Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML
Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML
Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML
Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8 to 9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML
Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML
Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML
Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with my best friend. The best part? We all just signed a 12-month essentially non-breakable lease on a house together. FML
Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML
Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML
Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML
Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
