Monsieur Johannesburg, South Africa 28 ans Célibataire
Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML
Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML
Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML
Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML
Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML
Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML
Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML
Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML
Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML
Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML
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