Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML
Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML
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