bbrraaddlleeyy

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

Joe Bidet

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

Don't drink and letch

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML