Soninuva

Today, my mom said she ran into some old coworkers and they asked about me. She was surprised they remembered me, as we only met once. The reason they remembered me is because I fell down the stairs at their house when I was 11. That was 15 years ago. FML

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

Big whoops

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

Happy National Pink Day! Here Are 15 FMLs About The Color That People Love To Hate

Pink has a pretty bad rep. It's associated a lot with women, because for some reason, it's been assigned to them at birth. Lately it's been adopted by millennials as its own shade called "Millennial Pink" because the rose gold shade can be found everywhere on millennials. Basically, pink is everywhere. Love it or hate it....either way, we've got 15 hilarious FMLs about the color for you.

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

Cops Fight Cops, Not Crime In Confusing Undercover Drug Sting Gone Wrong

When two separate special ops units in Detroit found themselves face to face in the streets, they both thought they’d busted their guys, but when one team attempts arrest the other, the incident turns into a veritable clusterfuck of FML ending up in the hospital.

Today, my mum rejected my friend request on Facebook, again. Even my high school friends are friends with her. FML

Today, I found out that when my 7 year old daughter invites her friends to eat dinner with us, she charges them 3 euros for the meal and puts it in her piggy bank. FML

That one friend

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

Today, my horse discovered that if he pushed the bottom of his water bucket up, it would empty itself outside the stall, right on top of me. I had just bent down to put the grooming supplies back in my bag on the ground just outside the stall. I have a lesson in 5 minutes and my white shirt is now see-through. FML

Today, my dog left his very loud and obnoxious squeaky stuffed-toy in the paddock and my horse got a hold of it. My horse won't stop and I can't get it away from him. It's been 6 hours and the noise hasn't stopped yet. It also shows no signs of doing so any time soon. FML

Reach

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

Ouch

Today, while working at the local paintball place, I noticed a girl without the safety on her paintball gun. I approached and reminded her to put the safety on, to which she replied "Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot you." And then she did. In the nuts. FML

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

Today, my four-year-old son received a 20 Euro bill from his grandmother. Since he couldn't fit the bill into his piggy bank, he tore it up into a bunch of tiny pieces to make it fit. FML

Today, just like any other day, I came home from work to find all my cabinets opened, my couch cushions on the floor, my sink drain filled with items, my shoes scattered all over my apartment, etc. I thought I was adopting a kitten, but it turns out it was actually the Antichrist. FML

Today, my sister suggested the best name she could choose for her child is Hashtag, because "her name would be so easy to spell: "#"." FML

Right back!

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML