Today, I was fired from my dream job for being pregnant. Apparently, you can't teach children while growing one inside you. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML
Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML
Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our one-month "anniversary". FML
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, we were all put in groups to make a presentation together. And by "together" I mean I pulled an all nighter to finish it by myself. My group criticized my work. FML
Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML
Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML
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