Monsieur Delhi, India Célibataire
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a "homeless" man asked for money. I gave him a dollar and he got up and called his friend on an iPhone. FML
Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML
Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML
Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML
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