Monsieur Kenova, WV Célibataire
Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML
Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML
Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML
Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML
Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML
Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML
Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
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