Stardate817

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

Small talk is hell

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

Ouchies

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML