PCJJacket

You what?

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

Today, I lost my dog while hiking. After searching the trails for an hour and a half, he was by the car. FML