Monsieur Gold Coast, Australia 28 ans Célibataire
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML
Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML
Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML
Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML
Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML
Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying, "Next time, I'll call." FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
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