Monsieur Buckhannon West by God Virginia, United States 55 ans En couple
Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I had a job interview. It went really well until I couldn't figure out how to open the slide door to get out of the room. FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML
Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML
Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
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