Today, my newborn son is only four days-old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML
Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I asked my dad why the WiFi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML
Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. That would have been fine, if we hadn't just moved in with his mother a week ago to save money. FML
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