Monsieur Dorchester, Canada Célibataire
Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML
Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML
Today, I learned that lightning and flash flooding are the best motivatiors. I learned this while on a run and 2 miles away from school. FML
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