Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML
Ekong17
Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me 17 years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML
Asshat
Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML
Love is…
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML