griddy24

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

Today, despite being the president of the Japanese club at my school since it started, my mom will not let me go on a school-sponsored trip to Japan. She's worried that North Korea will fire a missile at Japan while I'm there. FML

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

Today, I tried to repay a friend's kindness by taking her visiting brother out for lunch while she was at work. He must have misread my friendliness, as he ended up following me home. I had to call the cops. FML

Today, my ex said I had a lot in common with his new girlfriend. His new, grossly overweight, college drop-out, clinically depressed, constantly pot-smoking girlfriend. FML