Madame 37 ans En couple
Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML
Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML
It's Father's Day. Let's let them bask in the glory of doing things people have been doing since forever.
Selling and trading on the Internet is hard work, especially thanks to entitled dingdongs who try to get everything for nothing. Here's our selection of the worst offenders.
Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML
Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML
Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML
Today, while at the hospital finding out we're having a miscarriage and need to pay copious amounts of money to lose the baby, our car was broken into, lock broken and my uninsured laptop stolen. FML
Today, I propose to the girl of my dreams after being together for 5 years. Everything went well; the roses, the dinner, the family. She immediately said no and confessed to fucking my brother for a year. My brother than asked for the ring so he could propose to her instead. FML
Today, it's been nearly a month since this site went to shit. There's spam everywhere, no one's doing the funny comments anymore, and we're still getting posts from Christmas time. It looks like no one is moderating these anymore, and even worse, the ads are out of control. FML
Today, I realized that FML sucks at staying updated when I read multiple newly published Christmas posts, 3.5 weeks after Christmas is over. Ya'll need to get your shit together. FML
Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML
Today, it’s been a month since I’ve been suffering FML’s lack of proper formatting or moderation on their accepted FMLs. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, in my job as an underwear photographer, I had to see the face of dissapointment and pain of a male model when I asked him to put an "enhancer" on his genital area for the shoot. This FML is for him. FML
Today, my 19-year-old daughter must not have heard me stop home for lunch. I saw her boyfriend's shoes at the door and snuck over to her bedroom door just in time to hear her angrily hiss at him "You don't think you came in me? Well WHAT'S DRIPPING OUT OF MY PUSSY THEN?". I turned and left. FML
Noooooooo!
Today, my dad "jokingly" asked if I wanted a new false leg for Christmas, not as my main present, but as a "stocking filler". He makes this joke every fucking year. FML
Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote: “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
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