iheartyou580

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

Hyperloop

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML