Im_a_GOAT

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me "yummy pictures." I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

My eyes! My eyes!

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

Hey guys!

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

Yummy

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML