Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML
Today, after picking up my 6 year-old from school, he said, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me. We got home, I looked up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in junior high. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML
Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML
Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML
Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML
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