Monsieur Aabenraa, Denmark En couple
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Today, my six year-old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said, "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML
Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML
Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML
Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML
Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML
Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML
Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML
Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML
Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML
Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML
Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
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