rockmysocks97

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

Spotted

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me about a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

Creepy

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently duplicated my keys before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering, “He looks like Jesus.” FML

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML