mariondelamare

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

Today, my roommate got completely wasted. He was so drunk he thought the fridge was talking. He decided to make it stop by unplugging it. Most of our food is basically ruined now. FML

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

Desperate for D

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML