Mademoiselle 9 ans Célibataire
Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML
As it's International Bacon Day, we must honor of this glorious, greasy day with 15 FMLs about bacon!
One young woman learned not to tempt the social media gods after her promise to wear this Christmas tree costume to class every day if she got over 1K shares goes viral. 14K later, she’s not only wearing a tree suit, she’s also wearing the face of regret.
Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English class "David" instead of "Dylan". Without thinking, I said, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot of Ds in my life!" All of my students broke out in mortified laughter. FML
Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML
Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML
Yes, it's possible. You can rebuild your house to look like one you really like, but instead of being flattered, they got tetchy! A judge got dragged into it because… we're not quite sure why. FML for everyone involved!
Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML
I really hope you guys don’t have anything against witches because as it turns out, I am one. So if I were to have lived in New England in the last 17th century, life would have been totally FML. Take this quiz to find out if you’d be considered a witch too! I bet you would be…
Today, my girlfriend, her family, and I were playing charades. When it was her turn to do a charade, she pointed to herself and then to me. It only took five seconds for her family to guess that it was "Beauty and the Beast." FML
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