bigbagofnope

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML