Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML
Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML
Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML
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