Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML
Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML
Today, after teaching my 4 year-old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming, "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
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