Mademoiselle Toronto 34 ans En couple
Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML
Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML
Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML
Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for schoolwork. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML
Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said, "I'm just smart." She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML
Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML
Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML
Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML
Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML
Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself last night was my sister's Furby that she'd stuck in the closet. FML
Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML
Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML
Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML
Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML
Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML
Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML
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