Jordan Philip Wong

Fat man pube · 29 mars 2021, 14:01 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Épicée

Letting yourself go

Today, after months of isolating and shielding, suffering through the isolation of having caught COVID and letting my hygiene, diet and exercise programme go to shit, I can officially say my pubes are now longer than my penis, but it’s ok because my belly now hangs over my belt so I can’t even see it anyway. FML

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SickBoi · 30 mars 2021, 20:01 ·Cambridge, United States

Hot lava from both ends

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

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Anonymous · 31 mars 2021, 00:30 ·Kamloops, Canada 🌶️ Épicée

Breakfast innuendo

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

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Anonymous · 30 mars 2021, 08:01 🌶️ Épicée

What a wuss

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

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