Madame En couple
FML for the employee that had to deal with the douche-lord of a boss, but FML for the boss who has definitely learned to just be nicer to people.
There’s no relationship as simultaneously fulfilling and stressful as that between a husband and wife. From household chores, grocery shopping, or dealing with kids, these tweets cover all the little FMLs that occur when you're married.
Road trips come pretty close to hell on Earth. Being trapped in a car for hours, with mere inches between you and your fellow voyagers.... the only thing more FML than fighting over the radio and stopping to pee every 30 minutes is when you’re stuck driving and everyone else is asleep.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML
Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML
Reason #73627 children are the worst: when it’s holiday season and you just want a nice family photo for the Christmas card, but your kids have something else in mind. This mother of three learned the hard way.
Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML
Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML
Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
It’s today, in case you didn’t know. And like all great hunters, we’re getting ready for the chase by learning as much as we can about our target. Ghosts come in all different forms as you can see in these FMLs. From spirits, to exes, to people that are just super pale, we’ll give you a thorough rundown.
What do you get up to when you're bored out of your mind? You probably get up to no good; that's what we do. And good luck trying to get back on the straight and narrow. Leah, who had nothing better to do at the time, tried to kill time by applying pink gouache paint on her face, just for shits and giggles. Spoiler alert: it wasn't a good idea.
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