Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML
Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML
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